It Goes On...

Conundrum of Growing Up

2012-01-18T20:30:00.000-06:00

I don't know what's worse, waiting indefinitely in anticipation or just being told "No."

Since coming to Sam I've had to deal with this conundrum nearly every day. I'm just tired of waiting and ready for people to give me definite answers. I don't think that I'm becoming callous but it's hard to not separate myself from things if I know there will be no tangible answer in the end. I may get hurt in the process but I wont hate you for feeling the way you feel; just be honest. It's hard to forgive and forget when I don't know what I'm forgiving.

The sad part is that I am starting to find fault within myself which goes against so much of what I stand for. I am constantly saying "You can only be who you are. You can only feel the way you feel," but maybe this will be my demise. Maybe the problem is that what I feel is "openness" comes off as naivety, or worse, ignorance. Am I becoming callous? Is callousness a part of growing up? Is living in ideals really naive? These questions haunt me. I always thought that if I accept people for who they are I would go so far and achieve so many things... But maybe part of growing up is learning how to judge. Maybe callousness is all part of the natural order of things. If this is true, I don't think I ever want to grow up.

Socialism v. Fascism

2011-05-10T13:06:00.000-05:00

Dear Right-Wingers,

I would like to take this time to help you with some information you may find useful; the difference in socialism and fascism. Here are the exact definition:

Socialism - A political and economic theory of that advocates that the means of production, distribution, and exchange should be owned or regulated by the community as a whole.

Fascism - 1. An authoritarian and nationalistic right-wing system of government and social organization.

2. (in general use) Extreme right-wing, authoritarian, or intolerant views or practice

Now that we know what we're talking about, we can take a more in depth view on the differences.

Socialism v. Fascism: Fascism is authoritarian and totalitarian, which isn't always reflected in socialism. It is true that fascism has some socialistic ideas, but to call them socialist is just naive. The main reason for this is fascists governments economy aren't entirely always entirely socialist. In many cases, they are anti-socialist because they thought socialism to be anti-property. Furthermore, socialism in general, likes the idea of a global community, where as fascism is incredibly nationalistic which can be seen in NAZI Germany as a prime example. Lastly, fascism is anti-democratic. Without redefining it's standards, there is no way for fascism to incorporate democracy. Socialism, on the other hand, quite often is democratic and has been proven to work as such.

ASIDE REGARDING NAZISM - Lets say I hand you an orange and I say to you "This is an apple!" So you look at it, you smell it, you taste it, and you realize it's an orange. Your rebuttal? "Clearly, this is an orange! It looks, smells, and tastes like an orange, therefore it is an orange." I quickly inform you that the company that produced it is now calling them apples, but you know that an orange, by any other name, is still an orange. This is exactly what happened with nazism. They called themselves the National Socialist Party in order to attract voters who were scared of capitalistic democracy at that time. But, if you acted like a fascist, looked like a fascist, smelled like a fascist (I could imagine it's a lot like hair oil and after shave), then you are a fascists. A fascist by any other name, is still a fascist.

The moral of the story? Musolini, Franco, and Hitler are NOT socialists, so when I say "I am socialist," do not assume I promote their form of government. Kay thanks bye.

~Seth

Unmapped Highway

2011-05-09T22:37:00.000-05:00

I found this mini online workshop for poetry, and I'm going to try to work my way though it in order to really start to refine myself in written word. If anyone loves/hates it let me know! Be honest, be brutal! :)

EXERCISE I:

Write a poem in which you begin with an abstraction idea or concept that you then develop in specific, concrete terms through a single well-chosen extended metaphor that serves as the basis for the entire poem.

Unmapped Highway

I chose to start slow

down this unmapped highway.

Only one way to travel

and there's no turning back.

The pavement starts smooth,

so I pick up my speed.

As youth often do,

beginning this journey.

No need for reservations,

so I never look back.

I keep flying forward,

the pavement begins to crack.

The cracks start out tiny,

what harm can they do?

This is my journey,

my highway, my prelude.

The cracks turn to potholes,

and the road begins to curve.

It's too late to slow down.

Too late to swerve.

I let off the gas,

and take them head on.

My tires are damaged badly

and my hubcaps are gone.

The road smooths itself out,

and I start again slow.

There are more cracks ahead,

but this time I know.

These knicks and dings,

this rugged appearance,

On this unmapped highway,

is your life experience.

Sugar Coated Silence

2011-05-05T17:34:00.004-05:00

The words twist in the space
located between the sensitive gadgets
that can't stand to hear them.

They twist themselves into shapes
of malicious monsters that lash out,
unaware that every squished ambition
is a word that didn't have to be said.

They promenade on my tongue elegantly,
ready to abandon my cigarette stained mouth
until the clock strikes midnight,
and they unravel themselves
back into a mess of amorphous lines
struggling to make sense out of themselves.

This is the trouble with words.

Happy can be happy
if the pallet allows it.
Or, in the case of unrequited love,
it can lie to itself
like a childless mother
refusing to bear the burden of loss.

Emotions are saccharine when spoken aloud.
Sure they taste good but is it worth cancer?
The diabetic mind strives on these words,
but I prefer my cancer with sugar.

So as words twist in the space

located between the sensitive gadgets

that can't stand to hear them,

my body writes novels of sugar coated silence.

My God is Existence

2011-05-04T17:51:00.001-05:00

My spirituality is found in the vastness

of the oceans in the sky.

Black waters lush with lifeless moving giants

larger than imagination yet perceived

as a gleaming spec on the omnipresent

graphite ceiling of humanity.

My faith lies within the trees,

that recycle my aluminum breath

to breathe the gasoline of

the combustion engine of being.

My religion is the barren space

between the lines unwritten

and knowledge unknown.

The ability to delve into the philosophy of

discovery and be content with void

composition books as humanity

closes the gap to humility.

It defibrillates intelligence,

and euthanizes ignorance.

The blank theories diligence,

restores my confidence,

in this religion of science,

and it's dogmatic defiance.

My God is existence.

The Autumn Ducks

2011-04-18T02:10:00.001-05:00

The nostalgic leaves, the late Autumn breeze,

The apathetic moon, the withering trees.

A wise old man with balding head,

Finding beauty in what's almost dead.

The ducks, they swim and clean their wings,

They beg for food, and my heart wrings.

"Can't we just feed them a little bread?

I'm scared they'll starve without it," I said.

The wise old man just sighs at me,

"If we feed them, they can't be free.

They will stay the winter long,

They'll freeze to death, which is wrong.

"Sometimes, when you care to much,

Others will use it as a crutch.

So these ducks that you say you love,

Leave them alone to fly above

"the dead trees to a warmer place,

So they may find new ponds to grace.

If you truly care, let them go.

It's the hardest thing, I know."

I never fed those ducks the bread,

In fear they soon would be dead.

When I awoke to the suns ascent,

The ducks were gone, and I was content.

And despite the ducks I never fed,

I fed you that lustful bread.

Now I fear you'll never leave,

Can't you just be done with me?

Seth McPhail

Life is Funny Like That

2010-10-01T23:00:00.001-05:00

I find if funny that the same people who have insipred me to become the independent, free thinking, openminded individual I am today are the ones who question the way I have chosen to live my life...

But that's life and it goes on...

A Secular View on The Story of Jesus

2010-09-23T22:04:00.000-05:00

A dance piece I am dancing in this semester at school, has been causing me some mental distress. The piece is about the story of Easter: the death and resurrection of Jesus. It's danced by 6 men, and the movement is full and beautiful; it's pleasant to the eye and leaves you with a warm feeling inside. However, I think I am going to have a harder time connecting to this piece than the other dancers (who I can almost guarantee are Christian.) To me this story is no different from any other fictional story. For all intents and purposes I could be reenacting The Jungle Book via dance and it would mean about as much to me (this is meant as factual not sacrilegious.) So here's my question: Is it possible for me to find some kind of spirituality in a Christian story that I think to be untrue, in order to better embody the character I am trying to be in this dance piece?

I'm not sure. It's hard for me to put faith in anything I can't see, touch, smell, feel or taste, and seeing as I haven't seen, touched, smelled, felt, or tasted the existence of an omnipotent and omnipresent god, I'm going to have to connect to this piece in a different way... I'm just not sure how yet...

To be honest I'm not sure what I was hoping to accomplish by making this post, I just thought it was something that I needed to get off my chest. :)

Gaga's Influence

2010-09-20T23:54:00.001-05:00

I stumbled across this video of Lady Gaga speaking out against "don't ask don't tell," and thought it was something to share:

Lady Gaga is one of the few famous popstars in America to use her popstardom for the greater good. She is, in my opinion, one of the few (if not the only) artists in the mainstream music industry today and I appreciate that she speaks out OPENLY about things she does not agree with.

Many popstars just send a couple thousand dollars to a charity here or an organization there, but very few actually go out and use the fact that they're famous to influence culture and help make an important change in society! Is it not an artists job to influence and comment on culture? Of course some peoples opinions may vary, but I think it is! When we look at any group of people across the globe, their culture is defined by a wide array of variables such as: architecture, art, music, food, language, religion, etc. Those are the defining characteristics that create culture. Sadly, however, I feel that the film and music industry in America has lost many of it's artistic roots and have turned our culture into a group of thrill-seeking blood enthusiasts.

So thank you Lady Gaga for using you fame for something more than personal gratification. I appreciate what you are doing and that you are willing to dive in and get your hands dirty. Thank you for being a true artist and helping to shape our culture into something that is more than just superficial.

Madonna, Donald Trump, and Myself

2010-09-20T00:26:00.005-05:00

I was casted in one of the grad pieces at school this semester. Part of her thesis is creating a piece based off of the Keirsey Temperament Sorter which breaks down your personality into 4 specific traits.

The traits are:

Extroversion ----- Introversion
Sensing ----- Intuiting
Thinking ----- Feeling
Judging ----- Perceiving

What she is doing in this piece is creating 4 sections that juxtapose the contrasting personality traits such as "Extrovert vs Introvert", "Sensor vs Intuitor", "Thinker vs Feeler", and lastly "Judger vs Perceiver." Very intriguing idea indeed; I'm in the "Thinker vs Feeler" section.

When I took the test, I wasn't very shocked by the traits that they associated with me: Extroversion, Sensing, Thinking, and Perceiving or ESTP. I quickly looked up my temperament on the Keirsey website to find that I am an Artisan Promoter. Here's a very interesting and accurate quote about my personality:

"Charming, confident, and popular, Promoters delight their friends and investors with their endless supply of stories and jokes. At the same time, these smooth operators are usually something of a mystery to others. While they live in the moment and lend excitement - and unpredictability - to all their relationships, they rarely let anyone get really close to them. They have a low tolerance for authority and commitment, and are likely to leave situations where they are expected to toe the mark, or where they must play second fiddle. Promoters understand well the maxim, "He who travels fastest, travels alone," although they are not likely to be lonely for long, since their boldness and sense of adventure tends to make them highly attractive to many other people."

I feel like they paint me to be a jackass! But whatever, because Madonna and Donald Trump are both famous Artisan Promoters... I think I'll invite them over for tea!

Religious Freedom for Christians Only!

2010-09-19T15:31:00.001-05:00

I just got done watching a interview with Bill Maher from The Tonight Show. I've never been a huge fan on Bill Maher (quite honestly I find him sanctimonious, obnoxious, and arrogant), but I have to commend him for having his head on straight. I really appreciate people who are able to separate their personal opinions and theological ideas from their stance in government and law.

Here is a quote from the video speaking about houses of worship (specifically the Mosque at ground zero):
".. we shouldn't build any of them, but people are still going to build houses of worship so they should be able to build them anywhere. There's this thing in this country called the first amendment, and if somebody ever read it to Sarah Palin she would understand you're supposed to be allowed to worship whatever fairytale you want to wherever you want to."

I feel like many atheists (including myself) share this same view on religion. People have the right to worship however and wherever they please no matter how nonsensical it seems to us. Many conservative Christians do not share this view, which is honestly a little scary... If we start depriving people of their freedom of religion, what's next? Not allowing two people who love each other to marry based on some religious idea of what marriage is? Oh wait...

To show a contrasting view here's a link to an ABC article showing Sarah Palin's own personal thoughts on the mosque... Doesn't that scream tolerance? I love her for being such an open minded, tolerant, and supportive person! Those are positive qualities right?

The Reason Why

2010-09-17T10:00:00.002-05:00

Why?

Why do you dance?
Why did you smoke that cigarette?
Why don't you believe in god?
Why do you waste time playing video games?
Why don't you do it like this?
Why are you gay?
Why do you wait until the last minute to do your homework?

I'm tired of getting asked "why," from all the critical people in my life. Maybe because it makes me happy, maybe because I'm ignorant, or maybe it's for no good reason at all... But that's what I want to do and that's enough for me.

What's in a Touch?

2010-09-17T00:37:00.005-05:00

I laid down on the edge of the dance room waiting the ten short minutes between classes, positioned cleverly beneath the barre in a corner in hopes to avoid social interaction. It had been a rough day already and as I mentally examined the tasks ahead of me, I was aware it wouldn't get much easier. I breathed deeply trying to relieve some of the doubt that floated in my mind as dancers wandered in and out of the dance room chatting about this and that. "I need a cigarette," one voice said. "I need a cocktail!" another echoed. It seemed everyone was feeling the weight of the day but I seemed to be the only one who couldn't bear it.

More dancers wandered in complaining about sore muscles and aching backs ignoring me all together which was exactly what I wanted. I listened to the footsteps that could be heard all around creating their own percussive rhythm that had no pattern or reason. I took a few more deep breathes and began to find musical harmony between breath and footstep. The breath providing the melody and the footstep the beat that drives our human musical masterpiece forward.

I readjusted my body as I heard the consistent beat of one set of footsteps walk in my direction. My forearm was now resting on my forehead so that my eyes were free to see which musician decided to disturb my private aria. I shifted my eyes slightly to the right to observe Ashley walking in my direction and quickly closed them in an attempt to hide so that she would not try to engage me in conversation. The footsteps came to a stop two feet from my private corner. I didn't open my eyes... I didn't want to. I just wanted to enjoy the last three minutes of my short break to myself until it was time to play "ballet dancer."

I began to focus on my breath again, but I found it impossible with this person hovering over me. I took two deep breathes and opened my eyes, knowing I should acknowledge her presence, even though it was MY corner. As our eyes met she smiled. She bent down to a level equal to mine and awkwardly grabbed my hand from the side giving it a little squeeze as if to say "I'm here and I understand." I glanced at her hand, then back at her face as I felt the doubt begin to slip from my mind. Then, just as quickly as she had appeared, she disappeared back into the sea of footsteps across the room leaving me alone in my corner with a slightly more positive outlook on my day.

What's in a touch that makes it so special? I think it's the reassurance that we're all here, we're all human, and no matter what happens we're all in life together.