Since coming to Sam I've had to deal with this conundrum nearly every day. I'm just tired of waiting and ready for people to give me definite answers. I don't think that I'm becoming callous but it's hard to not separate myself from things if I know there will be no tangible answer in the end. I may get hurt in the process but I wont hate you for feeling the way you feel; just be honest. It's hard to forgive and forget when I don't know what I'm forgiving.
The sad part is that I am starting to find fault within myself which goes against so much of what I stand for. I am constantly saying "You can only be who you are. You can only feel the way you feel," but maybe this will be my demise. Maybe the problem is that what I feel is "openness" comes off as naivety, or worse, ignorance. Am I becoming callous? Is callousness a part of growing up? Is living in ideals really naive? These questions haunt me. I always thought that if I accept people for who they are I would go so far and achieve so many things... But maybe part of growing up is learning how to judge. Maybe callousness is all part of the natural order of things. If this is true, I don't think I ever want to grow up.
